I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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