the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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