We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
