go do what you do best...puke behind churches
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
