Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
