i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i am craving dick and cupcakes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
