If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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