Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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