Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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