dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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