oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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