My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
