I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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