His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
