I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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