I didn't shave. On purpose
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
