shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
