Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
