i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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