I need to stop coming to work sober
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
