I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
