i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
