I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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