hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize