So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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