1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
