McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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