you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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