Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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