Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize