Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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