You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
