I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
