I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
