Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
