called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
