This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
