You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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