And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
