when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize