This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
