I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
