peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
