Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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