ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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