I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
