we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
