you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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