I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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