Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
should my penis look like a turkey
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
