OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
