My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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