That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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