ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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