i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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