Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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