I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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