he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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