I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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