Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
