Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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