dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
