No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
