Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.