Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?