I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?