I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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