if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
