dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
