Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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