When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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