How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
