stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
