Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
