my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.